Event #99: Wednesday, Sept. 1, 2010

Bob’s email to me this morning:
Nothing from Nuttah, I am just so relieved to have “heard” from her. I’m happy with that for now. I forgot to mention something Kate said last night:
“So, do you have another daughter that is not from Mommy?!” That is our daughter this time around, how’d we do? It shows her focus is still on herself, imagine that. I believe that is why Stewie has no awareness of Nuttah, even though he says he is “open” to it, kids are just too focused on themselves and their immediate material wants. Possibly why it took us soooo long to become aware. Just speculation, no idea really. Could simply be crazy, that is what I am leaning towards.

And mine to Bob:
“Another daughter that is not from Mommy?”
Wait ’til she reads part 4! I’m still getting used to that idea — I haven’t entirely, and I still await contact, even though a number of times I have thought that “it was coming… ” And then? I fall asleep. Oh well.

This morning, I wrote this in my email to Bob, among other things:
Any sense of Nuttah in our room last night?

And this was Bob’s response:
Yes, Nuttah was there at least 2 times. She was there at 12:12 when I woke up with bile in my throat ( beer and ice cream don’t work well together for me ) and she was there with puppies from at least 2-4 when I got up. For the very first time I had a sense and image of where she was in our room. Not clear or defined but almost as if there was a mist. I woke at 2 something to a voice that I couldn’t understand. I saw the mist, maybe it would have been clearer if I had glasses. I doubt it though. I touched what I presume to be her hair/head and said we missed her and were worried about her. I received in return a clear sense of happiness, with a sense of sadness somehow. I hope nothing is wrong. She seemed to be trying to convey to me something with regard to her An’na, something that made her happy. But I can’t get what it is, I kept getting something like you called her or you touched her. Real hard to say. They were all piled up at the foot of the bed, by the way. Next time I am waking you if I am allowed. I don’t know why it didn’t occur to me last night. Whatever, I am just so glad she is ok and back visiting.

And me back to Bob:
YES, Wake me up! I don’t care what time it is!
And the answer to the last comment is that I attempt contact with her ALL THE TIME. Most specifically at night when I first turn off the TV and close my eyes (last night it was exactly midnight, but I was so tired, I think I fell asleep immediately…) What I do is try to convey to her an image, since that seems to get through to me, so I attempt that with her. Just in case she is there, because I cannot pick that up. I’ve been working with the image of the flower, because it is precise, and I can picture it very clearly. I ask her to show me where they grow? I don’t really ask that, what I do is try to envision them — are they here? Here? Hoping that she will take me there to show me where… I’ve been doing that since she left the white flower.

I’ve also been trying to communicate through the hearts on the dresser and the necklaces. I don’t feel successful in either endeavor — was there any explanation for the long absence?  We were both worried. Oh boy, I’m so glad she’s back.

Bob: She does seem to be getting that you are trying to contact her. She gets that when she is at “her place”. I have no concept of being able to do that. For me it is completely passive. It is soooo hard for me to communicate with her when she is here, easier at her place, but that is very wearing and stressful on all involved. And keep trying, apparently you are getting somewhere.

And now this is me just narrating, not emailing: I have been trying to communicate. I have been trying to GO there, as much as I can “try”, because I really don’t even know what that would entail. I don’t feel that it is up to me, but up to her, and it hasn’t happened yet. I thought if I strongly wanted to know where those flowers are growing, that that was something she could grasp onto, because it is something that I can visualize clearly. And then maybe she would bring me down (up?) there to see that. But not yet. I will go any time. I will also try to keep communicating, as apparently in some way she is getting it.

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