Archive for August, 2012

August 31, 2012

We Miss Her

By August 31, it had been almost 6 weeks since we’d heard from her or had any “activity”.  This had been the longest stretch of her absence in the more than two and a half years of having pretty regular contact with her. We both dearly miss her. I come in every night looking for a change, a response maybe to the way I have arranged her with hearts and turtles.  I would come home and excitedly walk up the stairs to the bedroom to see if the arrangement I had placed her in had changed at all. Two or more times I brought in fresh flowers and surrounded her with them. Pointed hearts at her, surrounded her with turtles pointing from the four directions. Nothing. I say hello, I say goodbye. I feel silly because I’m talking to a little angel statue that used to almost have a life-form. But no more. Will she come back? And why is she gone? We both have our theories, and they differ. I feel we may hear from her again, but that it might be after she delivers a healthy baby. Perhaps she was “ordered” to stop, for the sake of her self, her child, her husband, her tribe. All I can say now is that I hope she will return, and we hope that she and all her tribe is all right. Bob, on the other hand, has a sense of grave foreboding. I remind him that we’d gotten numerous “warnings”, that her time would be involved now in the tribe and her pregnancy, that she would not be able to be “around as much”. There were hints of this throughout May and June. But Bob can’t shake this awful sense of foreboding, and most of the time won’t even talk about her so obvious absence. This scares me a bit, because I know Bob is so much closer to the actual reality of the situation than I am, and perhaps he knows something that he isn’t talking about. After all, there was that almost entire summer of the appearances of that other “inter-dimensional” being; the Evil One. And where was he? He wasn’t making appearances either, and the “woman upstairs” had also stopped reporting dreams and visions. What was up? Where was she, and why couldn’t she at least report that she was okay and all was well? It was very hard for me to believe (or accept), that she had just left us at such an important time and with no explanation. It was getting very depressing, but we carried on with life in our normal way, thinking about it a lot, hoping, wishing and praying that things would be okay with her.

August 29, 2012

Where Did Nuttah Go?

On July 20, 2012, Bob wrote me this email:
I picked up my crew and he asked about “my buddy”. He asked if the scared feeling he gets is him, I said yes, and I asked if he sees the guy when he has the feeling. He said no, but that he is very, very scared when he feels it. He said upstairs woman has everybody thinking I am in great danger. I told him to tell her “I’ll be fine”.

A couple of days later, I noticed that a fabric turtle was on Bob’s bedside table and neither he nor I had placed it there. Something so simple, and so relatively minor in the large scheme of all of our events, and we did not know that day (can’t remember what day now, because I didn’t even log it or photograph it)  was to be the end of things for awhile. Hopefully just suspended. All the next emails about it will involve our discussions about “what happened”?

I’ve included the 2 relatively minor “events” above, because that was the last of them for what turned out to be quite a long time. I can’t say that we were not worried: we were. I came home looking for some new change every single day, and got discouraged each time there was nothing. We could not believe it was over for good. We could not believe that Nuttah would not find some way to say “Good-bye” — if she could. Maybe she couldn’t. From the perspective of the current date, which is now in December, I look at what I’ve posted leading up to her disappearance, and try to interpret each event; was there a message, were we being told something? Well, of course we were – but we were just too dimwitted and out of touch, and “not of her world” to get it. The inter-dimensional being that appeared was a HUGE clue, and we didn’t even get it. Course, how were we to know what to GET? It’s not quite appropriate to beat ourselves up about not “getting” it, and it’s not like there was much, if anything, we could have done anyway — I don’t think. The next few emails back and forth between Bob and I are not about events, obviously, but about our concern for her. We probably could have talked about it every day, but we didn’t.

August 26th, more than 1 month after the last event, Bob wrote:
I miss Nuttah, I hope all is ok. I try not to think about it. I always feared something like this.

I wrote Bob back:
“I miss Nuttah too, think about her a lot, esp. since I am now posting blog entries from when she was here; seems impossible she would cut off that quickly/abruptly. Maybe it isn’t for good, I keep telling myself that. I think she just has to have this healthy baby, maybe she was told to stop until she delivers. Be a rough run for us, wondering. I can’t quite believe that it’s entirely over.”

I was rationalizing by telling myself that her wiser elders had told her not to have contact with us because it might jeopardize her pregnancy. That her ability to travel to our time, or cross over from her world to ours, however that works, might cause harm to the baby she is carrying. That was my theory. I was afraid we might not hear from her again until December, which is when I calculated her baby was due.

On August 29, 2012, Bob wrote me this, after I first started posting again:
Read your post on way in, very interesting, but depressing not knowing what happened.

Me: Yes, it is very weird to me to work on posts from a few months ago, and not have it still going on. I find it depressing and disturbing too. I can’t help but feel that if she could contact us, she would.

GoodbyeI subscribe to a “feed” on facebook called Lenape Language & Culture and on August 29th, or thereabouts, they posted this:

“The Lenape didn’t have words for good bye. Instead the old timers used phrases to say that they would see someone again soon. Here are some other ways of stating that one would see another:
Xu knewël alàpa.
I will see you tomorrow.”

So maybe, she will see us again soon…