Regret wondering this…

The “big event” of January 3rd was weighing heavily on my mind. I played it often in my head, the way it had been relayed to me by Bob, and it was scary beyond belief. Bob was pretty perturbed by the whole thing too, and he repeatedly talked about himself as if he’d been “used”, or “I was a tool”. He also thought that it meant the end of contact with Nuttah. This made me feel as if there may have been some other agenda involved — or maybe the agenda of someone else. Someone not like Nuttah, that maybe the idea of Nuttah was used to rope us in. I said to Bob at one point, “Perhaps you were used. But maybe it was not Nuttah that was ‘using’ you, but someone else altogether, or maybe even some thing else. Maybe this other force/thing used you for their own gain, maybe they needed you and a certain unique ability to strategize; think and act on your feet? To understand the situation immediately and take the action they needed – so they used you.”

The scenery on our walk

The scenery on our walk

I was ruminating on this one bright, winter afternoon; it was January 28th to be exact, and Bob & I took a walk through some fresh snowfall along the creek.

“What if Nuttah is a ruse?” I wondered out loud. “What if some other force – something darker, more sinister – used her, or at least the idea of her, knowing they could get to you through her? And to me? Sucked us into the “story” knowing that it was something we would both be able to relate to and might be drawn to.”

I wasn’t really sure where I was going with this; I guess I was just kind of expanding on Bob’s seeming feelings of negativity, now that he thought the whole thing might be over? Bob then reminded me about things that happened in the very early days that would make my theory impossible. He, of course, was in a much better position to really understand and relate to Nuttah as a true “being”; as the girl/woman that she is, as a young Lenape Indian. I regretted my doubt almost immediately, especially having voiced it out loud. I knew, as I verbalized what my possible theory was to Bob, that there would be repercussions. Not necessarily vengeance, but she does get angry, and she doesn’t like to be doubted, as I have learned in the past. Her responses have ranged from playful to downright angry. There was the time very early on in our events when I kind of “messed with her”, testing her (not knowing at that time what our entity even was), by constantly moving the remote around, and hiding it in a certain tall wicker cabinet we had in our bedroom. One day when I’d done this, I came home to find the wicker piece of furniture moved all the way to the other side of the room. I labeled this post: “Event #21: Wed. January 10, 2010”, that’s how long ago this was. We’re more than THREE years later now, and it’s still going on. In my heart I really did not doubt Nuttah’s existence, but as you can imagine, I do often question our sanity, and try to look at these events from different angles. But it always comes back to her.

Bob's 'special' stone sat on his clock radio until our discussion of 1/28.

Bob’s ‘special’ stone sat on his clock radio until our discussion of 1/28.

It was shortly after this that I noticed Bob’s special stone was missing from where it had been on his clock radio. I looked all around the room for it when I first noticed this, and found it nowhere. Not on the floor either, or under the bed or behind the bedside table. Bob then asked me about it later, and I told him I’d been looking for it too. It was just MISSING.

On January 29, Bob wrote me this email: “Did you find my stupey stone? I looked around under the bed with a flashlight, no sign. A lot of dust, guess I should go further under when I vacuum.”

Me, writing back to Bob later:  “I did not find your stone, although I have looked around as well. Hope that is not one of the repercussions from our discussion. I know I should never doubt. I never will again.”

Had she taken it because of what I’d said, or did it truly mean that things were “over”, done with, she was gone; took the stone back with her that she’d given Bob? I sure hoped not…

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