Event #54: Sunday, April 25, 2010

I don’t know whether to call this one a dream or an “event”. Bob says “event”, and I will explain why in a moment. I was having trouble sleeping last night. I was up for quite a bit between 3 and 5 am. I was listening to “Coast to Coast”, but it was a topic that did not interest me very much about the French Foreign Legion. I guess it should interest me, and once I realized I just had to turn the radio up a tad to hear it over the sound of the creek coming in the open window, I actually did find it kind of interesting. I also kept having what I can only call “wide-awake” dreams. I was awake – I know that because I was having conscious thoughts – but then on top of being awake, I was also dreaming. Then something very odd happened. I think I did fall asleep, but after I told Bob about it, he thinks this happened awake. It was during the Dean Edell program that comes on at 5 AM, Sunday morning. I was having this sensation that caused a feeling of what I can only describe as intense “loss-of-control panic”. I was hurtling along through space (somewhere) like hyperspace; my body being propelled by a force that seemed to speed me up as I sped along. The feeling of this was sheer panic. You know that you have no control to stop it, and you don’t know how it is going to end. It was like suddenly finding yourself on an out of control amusement ride at top speed, that is now going faster and faster and you can’t even see what is flying by you on the sides, and all you can envision in your head is the ghastly end to this “ride”. In the “dream”, I screamed at Bob at the top of my lungs, but I think I also audibly cried out; I am surprised I didn’t wake him up. I think my audible cry woke me up. What I screamed was “BOB, WHERE ARE WE GOING???? !!!!!”. And the intensity of this cry was as if you are yelling out while being swept up into a tornado. I was in complete panic; I knew I was on a ride that I didn’t know where or how it was going to end. Bob must have been right along with me, because I looked at him – maybe it had ended at this point, because he was still – I think – but all he could do was point at his throat to indicate that he could not speak. He was adamantly conveying this idea though, not just a casual “point”, but thrusting his fingers toward his throat while mouthing silently that he had no ability to speak out loud. I was still in sheer terror. His head was partially intact but part of it was burning off from the friction of “the ride”, I guess, and bone was starting to show through. This sent me into even more of a panic, and then I “awoke”. Oh my god, I can’t describe how completely disorienting this “passage” through this worm-hole is or whatever it is that is happening. So I conveyed this “dream” to Bob when we both got up later – because I did finally fall back to sleep and got up much later in the morning. And he said that his first three or so times “going back in time”, had felt like that. But when he got to the end, he had been “there”. There in 1600 time. He said the first time it happened to him, which I guess if I look at the previous notes would have been back on March 8th, he really thought it meant he was dying. That he was having some hideous neurological event like a stroke or a brain aneurysm, or hemorrhage and that “this was it”. That this is what death would feel like. Well, I guess I can say that I’ve now experienced the “travel” part of the journey, but not the destination part. It changes your view of things, to put it mildly. Oh, and I forgot to mention. I asked Bob when we got up if he’d had any experiences last night. He’s been a little mum about talking about it lately, and he hesitated now.
“Why?” he asked.
“Because of this dream I had”, And I then conveyed the “dream” above, and I couldn’t stop crying while I was describing it; I don’t really know why, it was all just still so fresh in my mind, and it had created such a feeling of panic and loss of control that was so alarming.

“Well, that’s interesting, because she was there”, he said.
“When was that, what time?” I wanted to know.
“Sometime between 4:30 and 5:30 AM”, said Bob.

And my “experience” had probably occurred around 5:20-5:30 AM. I’m wondering if I’m being “tested” for fitness for travel. I then asked Bob why he didn’t tell me about this part before – the travel part. It seemed like it was a pretty critical part of the “experience”, at least for me it would have been…
He said it was because when he got to where he was “going”, he’d totally forgotten about it, because of the overwhelming effect of where he now was. Which was geographically where we still are, but time-wise, 400 years ago.

The only thing that Bob has told me that is new in the past couple of weeks happened last night, around the time I was having my “incident”.  It was then that she asked Bob if he was interested in learning his history. He says that he cannot vocalize an answer, but in his head he answered, although somewhat hesitantly, “yes”. Today he expresses some trepidation about how this might go, and the fact that he essentially agreed to it. I’m a little nervous about that too. Given what she can “do”, a history lesson could be quite an adventure in time, one might think. And now, every time I lay down into bed, I’ll be thinking about whether I’m in for a ride…

Event #53: Wed., April 21, 2010

Tonight when I got home, I went up to look for any activity. What I found was that the angel and one of the 2 heart charms – the silver one – are pointed at Bob on the bed. I won’t know until the morning if there was communication to go along with this obvious appearance.

Tuesday night, April 20, 2010

There has been no activity since the 16th. I never had time over the weekend to do those cutouts I was thinking of – haven’t totally abandoned the idea, but am almost afraid of the outcome, in that we may learn more than we really want to know at this point. Last week was pretty active, this week very quiet so far. I don’t know what to make of that. We haven’t done much talking about any of it either. I think we both (and especially Bob) needs a break from it, even if it’s brief. I, as well, am beginning to be afraid of where this is going, for the first time.

Event #52: Friday, April 16, 2010

Bob’s email to me this morning:
Well, it happened, I think. Really losing track of reality I am afraid. It was while you were there, sometime between 1:30 and 3, I think. “Nuxa, ktaholel, witayminen” not sure of the spelling but it is in my head and won’t go away and I know what it means. New twist, and it shows that nothing Nuttah does is without purpose or meaning, unless I am dreaming all this, really out of it today, more than ever. Even holding this thing seems strange. Writing this in bits as I have time, while I do my meaningless nonsense. Two new characters were introduced to me, which I now understand why only Wobbles and Dukey came with last time. From the area by the long houses came running 2 animals they both just came bounding up to me and jumped and licked me, just like our puppies, well except Stupe. Temay, Tamay, Teme, Temmay, something like that, accent on the first syllable, doesn’t matter, I know what they are and they were glad to see me. Two wolves, apparently mine, it was also an unusual thing to have them. Not clear how I know that, but it is not a normal relationship. They were not pets in the way we have pets, more like friends, I may have left the program with this one.

While they played with me I noticed something I have not seen before, Nuttah smiled. The emotion was again overwhelming, it made me cry for her, making me cry as I write and remember it. A little too much for me right now.
I have to let go for now, I think I have stepped off.

And then my email to Bob:
Wow. What do you think I would have seen if I’d woken up and looked at you? You sleeping? I think I fell asleep right around 1, I remember hearing the beginnings of Coast to Coast. You know, now that you mention that, something did happen. There was this weird noise or flutter, right in the vicinity of our pillows, and I looked over to see if Joe was laying still or if he was awake and somehow making this noise, like scratching himself or something. You were still, he was laying there, but he was awake. Alert awake. And there was some very slight noise that made me look around, even look around into the room. I have no recollection at this point what time that was. What other things came out of this excursion? Anything else new? Did you feel like you recognized them too? Wow, this is a new twist. “Witayminen” is the same word as the last time you went. Time for coffee. I need a cup of coffee to dwell on this one. Glad you’re back.

English: you stay with us
Lenape: witaeminèn
I love you, ktaholel

And then Bob’s email back to me:
I know what the words mean, even without the translation, I know. Yes, I knew the puppies, just like I know ours. Both males. Nuttah called them temay, or temme or something like that and something else along with sign language signifying they were mine.

When she saw them playing with me as though they knew me she smiled, as if it confirmed her belief, it is the first time I saw or felt happiness from her. She hugged me and just held on tightly. It is still very overwhelming. I have never felt this removed from here in any of the past lunatic rantings. Really out of it and now I am heading to the paint booth.

The next morning, I looked up the word for “Wolf” on the Talk-Lenape.org site:

English: A wolf, coyote
Lenape: tëme

Event #51: Thursday, April 15, 2010

The events of today will be conveyed by the emails that morning back and forth:

Bobs email to me:
I heard a very loud noise this morning while in the kitchen, loud enough for me to delay leaving and check every room in the front of the house. Sounded like it came from the direction of the laundry area. I found nothing, but it kind of unnerved me. I was hesitant to leave, but obviously, I did. Let me know that all is well on the western front as early as possible. I did see the odd light in the bedroom while with the puppies last night, but didn’t see anything out of place or leave last night. Whatever, that stuff no longer phases me. Stuff in the front of house is different.

Nuttah represented by the angel figure -- with hearts lined up to point at Bob

And my email back to Bob:
Everything seems OK, but I left the front of the house to come upstairs early last night (11:30-ish), cause I had to keep turning around to check out noises coming from behind me that were unnerving. She did leave you a little trail on the dresser by the way. I’ll attach a picture as soon as I get one. [Picture included to the right] She turned the little girl-angel to face you, and put the 2 heart charms in front of the girl pointing at you. She put the pewter turtle on my bedside stand pointing at you too. Or at least pointing at the bed. If the noise you heard was in the direction of laundry area, was it upstairs or downstairs? Did you check upstairs too? I can’t find anything amiss, just that minor movement in our room. Although it does seem like she has expanded territory.

Pewter Turtle sits on side-table pointing at bed - that's the purple blanket on the bed

And then Bob’s back to me:

The noise this morning seemed to come from laundry area but I checked upstairs everywhere but in the crawl space, which is where I should have checked. I was trying to stay where I could get downstairs quickly if I heard anything move down there. I don’t think the front has anything to do with Nuttah. I think it might be an animal.

And yet, later in the morning when I had time, I checked the crawl space myself, which, thankfully, is now basically empty, as the piles of old clothing have made it out to the thrift store, and all the junk is now staged in the basement for the pending garage sale. When I was doing that clean-out, I had vacuumed up volumes of mouse droppings. Nothing else, just mice, that I could determine. And there was plenty of evidence of mouse-nesting, as many of the woolens up there were destroyed for fragments of material to make the nests. I had also looked around pretty carefully for any evidence of entry from the outside. Two people in the house have now described the loud noise that comes from the crawl space; Kate and Bob. And yet there is no evidence of any new animal droppings, and there does not appear to be anywhere where something as large as what they describe is making the sound could enter that area. It would have to be something on at least the size-level of a raccoon. And there is nowhere that something that big is getting in.

Event #50: Wed., April 14, 2010

2 Heart-charms and Angel (Nuttah) pointed toward Bob in bed

Bob called me at work tonight and said he’d seen the glowing light again in the window. He said it was still pretty light outside, but he could still discern a light. And driving home, I was thinking about what I might be walking into in the bedroom – more writing? But no – it wasn’t. There was something else. Tomorrow morning I will take a picture. The 2 heart charms I’d left out a bit ago on the dresser are both turned toward Bob (where he would be laying in the bed) and the little angel that they sat in front of is also turned toward Bob. The way it seems to look is that the angel is Nuttah, or that she is using the angel to represent herself.  The 2 hearts are lined up to point at Bob. I’ve included a picture in this post. The yellow arrow that I added points to the bed. And the red circles are around each of the 2 hearts, with their tips pointed toward the bed also. Notice the cow and sheep have not moved. This is also a different bureau surface; it’s the new one we got (used) on Craig’s List. And then on my side of the bed, the pewter turtle is turned to point at Bob. I couldn’t find anything else. You know, I just had an interesting thought. We know so much by now, I’m surprised that I didn’t think of this earlier. Why don’t we leave out little objects that she can make into scenes? Maybe a set of small dolls representing a family? Do I have any of this stuff anywhere? No – nothing like that. We could leave some things for her to build a sort of “diorama”. I could even make some paper cutouts. Who knows what we might come home to… but it does seem like she has worked with the objects in the room to convey some pretty interesting imagery and thoughts, at least that we have noticed recently. Not all of it was that way; I’m pretty sure some of it was strictly for attention-getting. But sometimes, like the heart-bracelet in the closet, and the animals on the dresser, and the ducks, and the little angel, and now the 2 heart charms – all have been used by her to convey something. So here is my thought. I fleshed this out today talking about it to Roberta  & Marianne. They thought it was a good idea too. I would make paper dolls of all our family members. Then, I could go on the internet and find some pictures like this one to the right, and try to make some that represent Nuttah’s people.  Oh well, it’s worth a try.

Event #49: Tuesday, April 13, 2010

Being Tuesday, I almost expected to come home tonight to something in the notebook. But there is nothing. I still check the room first thing when I get home. I just N E V E R know what to expect. Who would at this point? Bob did tell me on the phone tonight, that twice he went up to the front bedrooms to check on footsteps, walking, and noises. He said it was pretty loud and pretty obvious. This was while he was having dinner, and doing all the stuff he does when he first gets home that keep him in the front of the house. I almost have a mind to ask Kate to go up and see if anything is amiss in her room, but if it is, I’m sure it will not be long before she notices. There is one other thing that I haven’t really had a chance to elaborate on yet. Over the weekend, we had occasion to talk about these things a couple of times. It was a fairly relaxed weekend, and I had dragged Bob over with me on a walk to my favorite local wildflower area to hang out while I took some new shots of the Trout Lily’s that are up now, some Spring Beauty, the violets, and the grape hyacinths, all growing at the moment in great numbers. However, they are ephemerals, and will all be gone shortly. We sat for a bit by the creek and I often don’t know if I should bring “this” up, as sometimes I think Bob would really just rather not think about it when he doesn’t have to. But I thought it was a good time. I wanted to know what else he was “getting” from his “conversations” that weren’t really being imparted by language, but by sounds, gestures, sign language, or maybe just images. Mind images. So it turns out that is happening. We were talking about the actual drowning, the event that probably started this all.

“Do you have any idea how it happened?”

Up to this point, all that he had said was that he knew he had drowned saving her. And it turns out he does know. Some of it anyway. He was able to grab her and hand her to another man, who pulled her to safety. He was clinging to a branch and the branch gave way. We do know how the creek gets going when it gets full. A man is just no match at all to the power of the creek. If you get swept up in it, you’re going with it. And it was a much larger body of water 400 years ago than it is now. That is all I know. Images, mind pictures, communicated by her and those with her may be the best way to communicate, because it seems it is easier to pick up on them than the actual language, which we are simply not wired to understand.

Event #48: Monday, April 12, 2010

Bob wrote this email to me this morning:
I heard you get up at 3:30, heard a bunch of other stuff in the room too, were you aware of it? I did try to communicate that you were interested in a minor excursion. There was no communication, just her presence so I don’t know if I was getting through. She was still there when I left. Did you have any sense of it?

And mine to Bob:
hmmmmm….. not sure I was aware of it then. I was aware of something when I first was trying to fall asleep — I think she might have been there then too. I get this odd feeling, and I had it then. What were the noises you heard when I got up? I remember doing that — then I was up for a good bit after that, I was having trouble hearing the radio, but I didn’t really hear anything else except the creek. What noises did I miss? I seem to be pitifully unaware when she is there, I wonder if she can control who senses her, or who she reveals herself to. In retrospect, did you sense her when things were just being moved around the room? Like that day the remotes kept popping up here and there?

And Bob’s response:
There was quite a bit of walking around in the room and on the stairs last night. I wasn’t aware [of it] when stuff was being moved around. I guess the first time was when I heard the footsteps coming towards me and I rolled over and went to sleep.

Now me just narrating: So the bottom line is that she was there last night with both of us, and just made a lot of noise. Bob said it sounded like furniture was being moved in. We joked about bumping into some unseen piece of it on the way to the bathroom or tripping over stuff we can’t see. Other than that, little objects are not moving around so much in the room any more, and only about once a week or so does she come to communicate with Bob. Which is really a good thing, because it does take quite some time to try to “process” all this information. I put that in quotes because we’re barely at the tip of “processing”; we are more or less just recording what is happening, without the remotest idea what that is. I’m somewhat closer to knowing the direction I might take in terms of trying to research what this is; and that would be time travel. Parallel worlds. Multi-universes. Subjects too big and daunting to try to think about tonight. I have to figure out how to start in a very small way. Bob has “asked” Nuttah to invite me along for a look. He thinks I would really like it there then.

Event #47: Wednesday, April 7, 2010

My email the next morning to Bob:
So I came up to the bedroom last night (actually to check on you), and there was something on the notebook. I thought it was a scribble or an image or something, but when I picked up the book it fell off. I think I woke you up doing this. It was the heart charm from the dresser. I tried to write up what happened outside with the dogs, but I don’t think I can do it justice. I think it’s clearly a case of “you had to be there”. Then last night I woke up and you were fiddling with the metal blinds behind the bed — what was that about? Oh also, one more thing. (you can tell I slept pretty fitfully). When you got up (for good), you had gone in the bathroom, but I had to turn and check that you did, because there were footsteps in the room. Loud ones. Did you get any sense of her there?

And then Bob’s reply to me:
Yes, I knew about the charm last night. I was fiddling with the blinds because I woke to a loud pounding, I thought someone was knocking on the front door. But you can’t see anything from any of our windows. I can’t even see your truck at night through the side window.
She was there this morning when I got in the shower and still present when I left. She apparently just wants to be around, unlike our other daughter. I’m trying not to dwell on last night, I am a bit freaked by what occurred, not feeling like I am living up to the name I am being called. More like “Crazy Horse” would be appropriate.
Feel worse today then I have all week, naturally it is my hardest day of the week.

And my email back to Bob:
Did she put the charm there when you were out? Or when you came back to the room? Were you awake when it happened? I’m curious about her being there this morning. I thought what I heard were steps — in fact I knew I heard steps (they were kind of heavy sounding), but I thought it was you, however you were in the shower. I looked, and Joe was looking too, but he just sat there. Almost like he’s used to it now. You don’t have any negative thoughts at all about leaving me alone while she’s there? Do you think the loud pounding was her? I’m curious that you didn’t get up to look around.
Sorry about your miserable week. I hope that is not being engineered by unseen forces. Leann said we should “get the hell out of dodge”, but I have this feeling it won’t make any difference.
ktaholel
awup

And Bob to me: Charm was there when I came upstairs. I don’t have any more fear of leaving with her there than I do leaving with Kate there, maybe less. Why does Leann say get out? I thought she thinks it is a brain tumor ( an awesome tumor, as she put it ). The pounding outside was NOT her. No idea what it was. Feeling overwhelmed by everything at the moment, everything here more than there.

Event #46: Tuesday, April 6, 2010

Bob called me at work tonight and he sounded very depressed and disturbed.
I knew that something had happened, but I couldn’t – he wouldn’t let me – ask in a direct way. It did not come out until later:

“Well, I had been outside with the dogs”, he explained. “We had been down in the creek, and they’d all gone in for a brief swim. And I came up around the wall and over the deck, and had just stepped down into the garden area, and Duke and Wobbles got distracted by something up in the bedroom window. They were both looking in that direction, and Duke started his ‘talking’; he was whining like he was concerned about something. And almost as soon as I looked up toward the bedroom window, before I could even see what it was they were looking at, it was like “WHAM”; there we are now down at the creek: me, Duke and Wobbles, but it is in her time. And I don’t even have to have you look up the phrase, I know what it means. It was very clear. But try looking up; ‘come with us’.”

So I did, on talk-lenape.org and there was nothing. I kept trying other ways to say that; join us, come with, come here, and then finally found it:

English: you stay with us
Lenape: witaeminèn

And that was the word he had heard: “WITAEMINEN”. I had a lot of questions. This was the first time “it” had happened outside, and the first time others besides Bob were involved, even if the others were dogs. I wanted to know how the dogs had behaved. He said fine, they were just being their normal selves. He said that they did not have their collars on when they were “there”. Where did the collars go? What is Bob wearing? He could describe where he was in relation to the house, but the house of course is not there in “her time”. The dogs more or less took it in stride. I asked Bob how he responded to this request – “you stay with us”… what did you say to them?

“Well, I can’t really ‘say’ anything. I have to think it. And I thought,
‘I can’t’.”

“How long did this go on?” I wondered.

“In that time it seemed like it would have been about 20 min. to ½ hour. But in ‘our’ time it could have only been a split second for all I know. It was Nuttah and the same 2 elders that are usually there.”

“How did the dogs act when you ‘came back’?”

“Well, they seemed unnerved by it, sort of; not like I am, because they got over it a lot faster. I still haven’t gotten over it.”

“What about Stupey?” I wondered, as we have three dogs, and she was the one that didn’t ‘go’. “What was she doing while being left behind?”

“She was just laying there like nothing at all had happened.” Bob answered.

“Well, what about them – the other dogs – was she sniffing them, like they’d just returned from a place with new strange smells??”

“No, nothing different – she seemed oblivious.”

So they want Bob to come back with them. Hence my haste in getting up to the bedroom when I finally got home. I didn’t (and don’t) know what to expect at any given time with any of this. I went immediately to the notebook on Bob’s side of the bed to see if there was anything new. And there was something – and I couldn’t really see what it was; it looked like a big scribble. I picked up the notebook and whatever it was dropped off onto the floor and rolled under the bed. But I knew what it was, because it was missing from the bureau — it was that little silver heart charm. She had left him a “symbol”. I will have to look for the charm tomorrow on the floor where it rolled. I thought about the heart theme, and remembered that my dream included one of the “heart” doctors, and I woke up with a “grip around my heart”. I have another heart-charm, and it was in a drawer in the bureau. I took it out and placed it on the bureau top and now – I go see if anything else has moved.